


Reflection on Relationships

by deathishauntedbyhumans



Series: Copper and Brimstone [5]
Category: Copper and Brimstone (Podcast), Dungeons & Dragons (Roleplaying Game), Original Work
Genre: Because lbr everything that Temerity DOES is angst, Character Study, Developing Relationship, Gen, Light Angst, Original Character(s), POV First Person, Self-Reflection, The little shit, he is angst personified
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-13
Updated: 2018-03-13
Packaged: 2019-03-30 23:27:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 677
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13962378
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deathishauntedbyhumans/pseuds/deathishauntedbyhumans
Summary: Temerity thinks about how far he's come, and the people he's come so far with.





	Reflection on Relationships

Juno asked me if they were a terrible person. I didn’t know what to say. In truth, I  _ don’t _ think they’re terrible. They’re annoying and rash and self-centred, but they’re not a bad person. (I know what a bad person is. I  _ am _ a bad person, as much as everyone keeps trying to tell me otherwise.) But I don’t know how to tell them that, because I don’t think they trust me enough to understand that ‘I don’t like you very much sometimes’ doesn’t mean that I don’t like them at all, or that ‘you’re loud and obnoxious’ means ‘you’re not a bad person, and you don’t ever have to be.’ So I say what I can, and I let it be. (Later, when they ask Van and Kava the same question, they get the answer that I didn’t know how to say, so it doesn’t matter that I didn’t know how to say it.) 

I don’t know how I feel about Kava. There is a part of me that misses trusting her, and I  _ hate  _ it, because I should not forgive so easily. Helm is ruthless, terrifying, relentless, so she should be too. (After all, that’s the way my father was. That was the way he said that everyone would be, to some _ thing _ like me.) But she has never proven herself to be… like  _ him _ . (Like either of them.) I don’t understand it, and I don’t want to trust it. But there’s another part of me that  _ does  _ trust her again. She has not tried to hurt me. If anything, she has tried to protect me, and a debt of life is not something I am willing to merely brush aside. Regardless of whether or not I trust her, I do owe her. I must protect her. 

(I owe Juno, too, and I do not -- _ cannot-- _ begrudge them that, even if I have never let them know as much in actual words.) 

Van is my friend. It is strange to say, to realise, but I  _ trust _ him. I would give my life for him in a heartbeat, because of all the beings I have ever met in my life, he is the only one who has ever given me my life  _ back _ . He treats me like an equal, even though he is the only one in our motley group that deserves to feel as though he’s above me. I… want to be someone that he will not regret, when he looks back upon me later in his life. I cannot change who I am, but… for some strange reason, he doesn’t seem to want me to. At least, not all of me. Not the core of who I am. I have never been very lucky, but I  _ am  _ lucky to have met him. I can only hope that he really feels the same way about me.

And then… there is Idna. I’m still at a loss on how to feel about her. She  _ flusters _ me. She kissed my cheek and called me  _ cute _ , and I don’t know  _ why _ . As it is with Van, I feel as though there is something going on that I’m missing. I keep flushing around her. I think, this last time, she could tell. She is… jealous, of me. It’s strange. There is a part of me that wants to ask her to join us when we leave. ( _ If _ we make it off this ship alive.) I don’t think she would accept, even if I did untangle my tongue around her long enough to ask. She has a family, and as much as she is curious about our lives, her family is probably more important. From what Van has told me, families usually are. It’s alright, though. I have a way to reach her, now, and she has a way to find me, if she ever wants to. (She might want to; my stomach feels strange and  _ bubbly  _ whenever I think on it too long.) If anything happens to her on this journey… If anyone hurts her, they  _ will  _ regret it. 

**Author's Note:**

> Hey thanks for uh,,, reading my OC stuff! 
> 
> Juno belongs to @humorless_hexagon   
> Kava belongs to @mushygreens on tumblr  
> Van belongs to @Dreamy_Serenade  
> Idna belongs to @bagobats on tumblr
> 
> Kudos/comments are love! Come scream at me on tumblr @deathishauntedbyhumans


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